


the one where they’re all ridiculously trashy high school delinquents

by redlight



Category: Romeo And Juliet - All Media Types, Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, F/M, I did this for an english assignment, benvolio is a nerd, in texting format, juliet is a sassy little snot who procrastinates a lot, mercutio just wants to start shit, rewrite of canon, romeo has a really big crush and also can't shut his mouth, thanks to my teacher for dealing with my shit, tybalt is an aggressive goody-two-shoes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-07 10:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6800797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlight/pseuds/redlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class=""><strong>R</strong>: ok</span>
  <br/>
  <span class=""><strong>R</strong>: im just gonna say it</span>
  <br/>
  <span class=""><strong>R</strong>: i have a crush on you????</span>
  <br/>
  <span class=""><strong>R</strong>: like, im so gone for you, i would become a glove for you to wear</span>
  <br/>
  <span class=""><strong>R</strong>: just so i could feel your flesh</span>
  <br/>
  <span class=""><strong>R</strong>: WHOAAAA ROMEO BACK OUT OF THE DANGERZONE THATS JUST REALLY REALLY CREEPY I NEED TO CALM DOWN</span>
  <br/>
  <span class=""><strong>R</strong>: ahhhh why am i telling you this through text</span>
  <br/>
  <span class=""><strong>R</strong>: why am i being such a creeper</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Romeo, just trying to confess his feelings in the middle of the night, and Juliet, who just finished her overdue essay and is really desperate for coffee; a dumb high school love story.</p><p>(Alternatively titled; Romeo in the Dangerzone.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	the one where they’re all ridiculously trashy high school delinquents

**Author's Note:**

> oh my god this was supposed to be formatted with different colors and stuff  
> and i tried to format it like three times to get it to look right  
> but apparently i can't do it!!!!  
> so i give up, and i'm just posting it like this
> 
> also i handed this in for english class last semester and i am so ashamed about it  
> (just kidding, i had too much fun)  
> sorry teach

**DRAMATIS PERSONAE**

ROMEO MONTAGUE **|** lovesick puppy, troublemaking loser

JULIET CAPULET **|** she gets lost in her own convoluted monologues sometimes

MERCUTIO **|** no mouth filter; must blackmail everyone

TYBALT CAPULET **|** resident angry kitten

BENVOLIO MONTAGUE **|** only sane man; this poor, poor sucker

**November 1st, 11:36 p.m.**

**B** : romeo

**B** : romeo where did you go

**B** : romeo you promised to stop ditching me at parties

**B** : oh my god

**November 2nd, 12:23 a.m.**

**M** : HEYYYY ROMEO

**M** : MADMAN

**M** : JERKFACE

**M** : LOSER

**M** : jeez where did u even go

**M** : u r missing out my friend

**M** : tybalt is fighting like a dishonored young adult novel protagonist why arent u here to see this

**M** : ugh fine go off to write bad poetry about your sordid rosaline fantasies

**M** : girls dont find stalking OR perverseness cute, honey

**M** : also didnt rosa capulet beat the snot out of u when u tried to ask her out

**M** : wait is that why u lost that tooth 2 weeks ago

**M** : i didnt know u were into that sort of abuse

**M** : this makes the time i accidentally punched u in the face a little awkward

**M** : but welp i cant judge

**M** : ok but seriously where the hell are you

**November 2nd; 01:04 a.m.**

**R** : oh my god i hate my friends so much

**R** : uh anyway hi juliet!!

**R** : if ur still there

**R** : i mean

**R** : wow i probs shouldnt be texting u so late

**R** : haha uh sorry

**R** : ill shut up now

**R** : bye

**November 2nd; 03:30 a.m.**

**R** : i

**R** : ok this might sound a bit weird

**R** : but i cant sleep

**R** : i mean, i try to close my eyes, but...

**R** : but

**R** : i just think of you

**R** : god that sounded creepy im sorry

**R** : its just, like

**R** : youre the sun

**R** : all bright and shining and ambitiously sending out solar flares to possibly wipe out the entire planet earth and everything on it

**R** : maybe even the entire solar system

**R** : and the moon is jealous of how pretty and destructive you are

**R** : and juliet, youre SO pretty

**R** : and admittedly kinda really destructive

**R** : like

**R** : your eyes are like the night sky...

**R** : gleaming...theyre so starry and...and wondrous...

**R** : god im sorry i should shut up

**R** : i say weird things when im tired

**R** : ill shut up i swear ill shut up

**R** : ok

**R** : im just gonna say it

**R** : i have a crush on you????

**R** : like, im so gone for you, i would become a glove for you to wear

**R** : just so i could feel your flesh

**R** : WHOAAAA ROMEO BACK OUT OF THE DANGERZONE THATS JUST REALLY REALLY CREEPY I NEED TO CALM DOWN

**R** : ahhhh why am i telling you this through text

**R** : why am i being such a creeper

**R** : someone take my phone away from me

**R** : im actually shutting up now ok bye

**November 2nd; 04:13 a.m.**

**J** : so i'd probably be mad at you texting me so late

**J** : or early or whatever

**J** : but i literally just finished my essay that i definitely should've started earlier

**J** : and i am so hyped up on caffeine like you don't understand

**R** : OH GOD PLZ TELL ME U DIDNT READ ANY OF THAT

**J** : romeo you can't just text me and then ask me not to read the texts that's not how we do things around here

**J** : it's not even good coffee it's just the sketchy instant kind

**J** : oh romeo romeo where are the good coffee places in this town

**J** : i'll cast off my family name for the next person who gives me coffee

**J** : romeo this is your opening

**R** : wait holy snap really 

**R** : also juliet u aRE SUPPOSED TO DO UR WORK ON TIME WHEN WAS THIS ESSAY DUE

**J** : last week

**J** : don't try to change the subject ok at least i did it

**R** : I

**R** : I CANT EVEN REPLY TO THIS

**R** : SERIOUSLY JULIET?? SERIOUSLY???

**J** : hey you once handed in a ripped-up milk carton with your thesis scribbled inside with benvolio's blood as ink i don't think i can ever top that

**R** : THAT WAS ONE TIME AND BENNY JUST HAD A CONVENIENT NOSEBLEED BC TYBALT HEADBUTTED HIM

**J** : ...right

**J** : then again mr. shakespeare thought that was a glorious work of art so i can't really say anything against it can i

**J** : anyway what's this about having a crush

**J** : and thinking i'm pretty

**J** : and something about starry eyes

**J** : and the sun destroying the earth 

**J** : and something disturbing about touching my flesh but hey i don't judge kinks as long as you're safe about it

**R** : OH NO WHY DID YOU READ IT

**J** : i like the fact that you think i have the capacity to eliminate the entire solar system

**J** : but ugh my parents would kill me

**J** : don’t get me wrong i’m totes interested

**J** : but like you know how our families almost set city hall on fire once

**J** : i mean we’re all some pretty bratty detention deathmetal teenagers and everything but don'tcha think this is going a little too far

**J** : now if you weren’t a montague 

**J** : then maybe i could get in on some of that action

**J** : it seems pretty stupid, right?

**J** : if our names were different we could probably do that weird normal couple stuff like in leonardo dicaprio movies

**J** : or something

**J** : i’ve literally only seen tybalt’s romcoms and rosaline’s erotic fanfiction i don’t have any proper opinions on media

**J** : but like, if you were an anderson or a jones or a del rey or something

**J** : then all of a sudden the parents WON'T be on our backs screaming about vandalizing city property

**J** : what was i talking about again

**R** : ILL BE AN ANDERSON FOR YOU JULIET

**J** : tbh anderson kinda just sounds like a gross name to me

**R** : A JONES?

**J** : nah

**R** : A DEL REY?

**J** : you know what how bout you just stay romeo

**R** : OKAY xx

**J** : oh my gosh did you just send smooches

**J** : that is actually adorable

**J** : you’re such a loser

**J** : why do i like you

**R** : U CANT SEE THIS BUT IM SMILING SO HARD RN IT HURTS

**J** : ugh you are SUCH a loser

**J** : honestly how are you even awake right now

**R** : the power of love

**R** : i borrowed cupid’s wings and i am FLYING

**J** : roro i love you but seriously

**J** : the parents catch me texting you and i am DEAD

**J** : and then my dad will try to kill you too but i digress

**R** : I HAVE THE INTERNET’S ANONYMITY TO HIDE MY TRUE IDENTITY

**J** : whatever you dork

**J** : welp if we’re gonna be irrational stupid teens with absolute death wishes 

**J** : meet me at that one ice cream shop tomorrow morning ok

**J** : or today i guess

**J** : oh god my old housekeeper is texting me i think she’s drunk 

**J** : ONE SEC ANGELICA I’LL CALL YOU LATER

**R** : you still talk to your old housekeeper?? huh

**R** : well anyway

**R** : r u saying we skip school together, miss capulet?)) better than staring at books;;;;

**J** : maybe i am, roro;;

**R** : maybe we can get coffee instead

**R** : decent coffee instead of the sketchy instant kind;;

**R** : i am taking that opening

**R** : is 9 alright?;;

**R** : but wait

**R** : dont you have an essay due?

**J** : i’ll just make tybalt hand it in

**J** : and 9 would be great xx

**J** : now shhhhh romeo

**J** : let us be the evil deathmetal teenage brats like we were born to be

**R** : but what if our love ends in tragedy?

**J** : it will still be beautiful

**J** : immortalized for centuries

**J** : like julius and romana

**J** : except hopefully we don’t kill ourselves at the end bc man that would suck

**R** : i think youre just as much of a loser as i am)))

**J** : at least we have something in common

**J** : i rock the loser label way better than you do tho

**J** : see you later xx

**J** : <3

**R** : alright bye!! xxxx

**R** : <3

**November 2nd; 09:08 a.m.**

**T** : JULIET

**T** : JULIET I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF THIS SITUATION

**T** : JULES

**T** : JULIET WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SKIP CLASS //TODAY//????

**T** : PLZ HELP ME

**T** : I HAVE HAD CAT EARS FORCED ONTO MY HEAD AND EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG FOR ME TODAY

**T** : STABBING MERCUTIO AND/OR LIGHTING HIM ON FIRE ISN’T ILLEGAL RIGHT

**November 2nd; 09:32 a.m.**

**M** : haha oh my god romeo youve gotta stop skipping

**M** : i put cat ears on tybalt's head and he threatened to stab me with a pencil lit on fire today it was hilarious

**M** : and then i called him an angry kitten

**M** : and he ACTUALLY HISSED

**November 2nd, 03:14 p.m.**

**B** : romeo you never drove me home

**B** : i’m still here you know

**B** : romeo?

**B** : why does this always happen to me

**FINIS**


End file.
